Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Retreat and healing
I didn't sign up for our womens retreat because I felt like we had to save moeny for the teens youth convention. You know, you talk yourself into "I really don't need it" when in fact, I needed it desperately! So... I get a call a day before they were going to leave to say a FREE spot was open and would I like to go. My first response was no "I had other plans" but when I got off the phone something told me to pray.
Is this you God opening the door? So I called back and said I would go. Of course you know the enemy... you have to fight your way there with 18 kids at home. Babysitters, money, packing....
I had been having a real hard time for some time praying and seeking God. I had allowed a wall to build up birthed out of some resentment. I had convinced myself if "God really loved me" he would make some things happen in my life. Really, I was just having a pity party I thought....
The title of the retreat was Dancing on the Battlefield and I had no idea how big the battlefield was until we walked on it. Five hundred women filled the auditorium full of excitement. The speaker, a single woman raised in the church all her life. A hard worker who had earned a Masters in religion and taught at Vangard Unniversity. She had money, education and joy, and was assured nothing could rock her God world.
And then it struck! First breast cancer and then treatment, even more deadly chemotherapy, causing her to have rhematoid arthritis and knee repalcements. She lost her job, money, career and the ability to sleep and stand for a long time. Was she a litte mad at God? You betcha she was......
And then God confronted her and asked "Do you trust me?" She said she paused....
Was it all a show? Or did she really believe the creator of the world had her life in
Did I believe he had our finaces, my grown children, my marriage, the ministries of my heart in HIS HANDS? Or was it just a show?
And then she said "everyone who is feeling SHAME has a foothold (or should we say satanhold) over their life, come forward. It is as if the HOLY SPIRIT spoke right to my heart and I ran to the altar for prayer. Healing, blessed healing, was mine. All the walls and resentment fell away and I could touch God again. Oh how it hurt to be away from my father for even a second.
And you know what? Half of the women in the auditorium walked forward. Crying,
pouring their hearts out to God. We all had a diving appointment with the Savior
that weekend and if the truth where to be told, every woman needed to walk forward.
He knew our pain and longed to put his heaing arms around us... we just had to walk into them.
The love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit... Romans5:5